so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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