Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
