it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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