I molested 6 butterflies tonight
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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