Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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