You're so nebulous sometimes
he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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