went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
