I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"