i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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