Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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