um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
