So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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