Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
