he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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