She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
