Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
