My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
