i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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