i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
