I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
