I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize