i love accidental penises.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
