I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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