you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
