I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
