The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
