I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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