The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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