Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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