a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
