The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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