Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
