I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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