I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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