I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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