Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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