I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
