she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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