I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
