My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
