I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
