I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
