I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
