I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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