When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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