We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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