East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
only you would photoshop your dick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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