dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
