I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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