just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
