i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
