Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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