just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
