i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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