it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
