He kissed a someone with a penis
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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