I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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