remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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