I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
