I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
