so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
