Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everything about him screamed your future.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
