Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
