You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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