i'm signing you up for texting rehab
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
