All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
