So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
