Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
