i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
